shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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