SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
