dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
