I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
