in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
