Already got asked if we're dating
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
