You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
