Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
