just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
