"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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