theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
