FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
