Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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