Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
