i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
