I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
