so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
