Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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