ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
