you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
