you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
