the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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