4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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