I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
this boner is exhausting
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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