I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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