i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
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Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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