She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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