dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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