His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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