I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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