i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
