i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
