If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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