The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
