it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
