When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
