Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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