if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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