I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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