My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
