Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
