How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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