Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
