You made me cry and you don't even care
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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