this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
