omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
