Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
