the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
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