apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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