used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
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So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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