Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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