The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
