put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
