Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
