Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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