Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
