i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
