I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
