you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i think i have two assholes
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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