aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My life is pants optional.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
