I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
