Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.