I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point