in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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