all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
