Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
