I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My brain says no but my pants say off.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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