I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
