Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if only i could text you this smell
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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