did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
