My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
