I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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