he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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