He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
