Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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