Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
