You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
