It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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