My girlfriend figured out who you are.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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