I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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