Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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