I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
